As of Wednesday...

Last Wednesday James and I drove down to Stanford for three appointments related to this pregnancy.  The first was a level two ultra sound, then a meeting with a neonatologist, and finally an MRI.
During the ultra sound the radiologist confirmed the diagnosis of dilated bowels in baby Henry and labeled them as moderate to severe.  There are currently two significant sized blockages about 3x the size the bowel should be.  With the bowel being this distended it runs the risk of the bowel turning and twisting on itself.  There is also a risk of the bowel rupturing although the radiologist said this is "rare".  James and I don't like that word....rare.  To have a child with CF is rare, to have them born with a miconium ilius is even more rare....to have a second pregnancy just the same is RARE.  We don't know rare.
What really blew our minds and gave us peace after it sank in was that they would not induce the pregnancy at this stage if the bowel were to rupture. Wait, what!?  That's the total opposite of what we were told with Kareese.  The radiologist (Chief Radiologist of Pediatrics at Stanford, so I believe what he was saying) said that there is more of a risk to the baby to take him out this early than it is to leave him in.  He explained that the rupture would be contained, sterile, and that the bowels will even calcify and close off the rupture in time.  It would be more detrimental to have a very premature baby on our hands and then be dealing with bowel issues on top of that. Totally makes sense!!  Now if we are full term and the bowels become more swollen then it could be beneficial to induce then, like we did with Kareese to avoid a rupture.  With Kareese we were under the impression that if her bowels ruptured then she would go septic and it would be emergency surgery for both of us.
After that bit of encouraging news we met with a neonatologist and a neonatal nurse practitioner.  They gave us the run down of what possible care will look like for the baby after he is born.  There will be a Complex Care Team at the birth to asses the baby. If he is stable at birth we will get some bonding time, skin to skin, but no nursing. Then they will take him to the NICU where he will be placed on monitors and have an IV line placed through his umbilical cord, which is great because it is painless for babies there.  Then at that point surgery will probably asses him and come up with a plan for care.  If he is not stable at birth, a very distended stomach can put pressure on the lungs and make breathing hard or if he is throwing up bile then then they will have to take him right away to pump his stomach and get him comfortable.  In both situations though James will get to go and be with him the whole time.  This is giving me so much comfort because there were times that we weren't allowed to be in the room when they worked on our daughter Kareese.  The nurse practitioner then gave us a tour of labor and delivery and the NICU.
When the tour was over we rushed over to my MRI appointment.  I was tired and exhausted to begin with and almost didn't take the Valium the doctor had recommended me to take because I figured I would just sleep during the procedure.  The MRI tech encouraged me to take it as it would also help the baby to not move around as much.  So I took it because I did not want to have to do this again if they didn't get good images the first time. The MRI is able to capture more accurate images that the radiologists are then able to manipulate to get a better idea of what is going on inside.  I still freaked out in the MRI tunnel. Oh man it was awful and the emotions of the day almost sent me into a bit a break down.  But I held it together and the tech gave me special goggles to  watch a movie during the MRI.  So that was amazing!  All I could see was the movie, Confessions of a Shopaholic, and didn't have to think about being in a confined space.  Then I had an amazing nap while my husband drove us home in rush hour bay area traffic.
The following day the radiologist called to go over the result of the MRI.  It confirmed the size and distention of the bowels and showed lots of thick sludge like meconium in the bowels.  The images also revealed an under developed colon due to the lack of meconium to help stimulate growth and function.  At that point the radiologist hinted that surgery may be needed to remove the blockage but that pediatric surgery is who ultimately determines that.  
That was hard to hear and something I am still processing through...or not processing.  I'm a little bit exhausted emotionally.  It will be two weeks tomorrow since we stated this journey of knowing our baby has a blockage and I just don't want to talk about it or think about it.  It's scary and painful and I just don't want to go there some days.  There is also physically nothing I can really do but spend extra cuddle time with Kareese right now and just enjoy Henry moving around inside of me.  The next couple of months are going to be rough and I just can't live there yet, I know it's coming but for right now I'm just going to enjoy my messy living room and think about what to make for dinner.  Something easy because James and I have our second night of a marriage course we are taking.  This class has come at the perfect time, automatic date night and an opportunity to build our communication skills and reconnect before we enter this new season.
Before our trip to Stanford I woke up in the middle of the night, like I always do to go to the bathroom and had the song, Hope's Anthem, stuck in my head.  I hadn't heard it in a while but I know it was Gods way of reminding me that He's got this.
"My hope is in you, God.
I am steadfast, I will not be moved
I am anchored, never shaken
All my hope is in you"

I can sit and rest in today because I KNOW Hes got my tomorrow....