What the Nicu robs

We have been home for 26 days, two days longer than our 24 day Nicu stay. A long, hard, emotional, and draining 24 days, over a month total away from home. As hard as it was we are so so thankful for all the staff at Lucille Packard Children's Hospital at Stanford. All of the nurses, doctors, surgeons, repository therapists, child life team, and social workers, went above and beyond for our family. We could never thank them enough.
Henry is doing so well now and I hope to write a future post about his birth and a more detailed description of our Nicu stay. But for now I'm going to process through what I feel tonight.
Tonight I feel robbed. I look at my seven week old and notice all the ways he has changed since birth. That biggest two being his size and weight. I am so happy and relieved that he is growing and gaining  but his newborniss is slowly leaving and I feel like I missed out on it. Yes I have been with him every day since he was born but those first 24 days were such a distraction and stress filled that I feel like I was robbed of his newborn days. We didn't get to bring him home and lay low in the house with newborn snuggles, and a quiet sleepy home. We didn't get to show him off right away to friends and family. Instead we sat on worn out rockers in a bright florescent room surrounded by other sick babies and beeping machines. There we sat staring at our baby missing those first days at home. I feel like I missed out. Like I sat there in that  rocker filled with worry while missing out on the joys of being home with my newborn. Maybe this is more of a fantasy. I know all moms miss those newborn stages but for me I just feel robbed of them. My baby is quickly growing and I long for him to stay little forever.

A Divine Encounter

It was a week after my family and I started living in a motor home. An amazing brand new gorgeous motor home. James parents bought it for future family trips and for our immediate need for housing down in Palo Alto. They drove it down for us  and took us to half moon bay for the weekend after my doctors appointments. We then camped out in a RV park about 20 minutes from the hospital, waiting for little boy to arrive. We were able to stay busy with family outings and this helped us to not miss home and all its cozy amenities so much.
What had really been amazing though is how God had shown up and reminded us that He has a plan and a purpose. On Monday I had a non stress test (nst) where they monitor baby's heart rate for 30 min. I had had several before so this was routine and I went alone while James stayed with Kareese. During this nst however baby's heart rate was pretty low so they ended up sending me down to labor and delivery for longer monitoring. As I waited in the hallway for the nurse to call in a bed I wasn't worried, it was weird, I just knew that everything was fine. At that point a woman sat down next to me and we could hear the nursing talking on the phone to labor and delivery, "yes I have a mom here who's baby has a suspected bowel blockage possibly due to Cystic fibrosis. Mom already has one child with cf. Today the baby's heart rate is low....." At that point the woman next to me leans over and says, "I don't mean to eavesdrop but is she talking about you?"
"Yeah" I reply with a slight laugh.
"The baby I am carrying has cf. We just found out and had my care transferred here."
We quickly ask each other questions back and forth, where we are from and how many kids we have, until the nurse takes me down stares. As I leave I give the woman my phone number and tell her to contact me later.
A few hours later as I'm sitting in l&d still on the monitor the woman texts me. I reply with a " yes it was so nice to meet you.....I will be praying your little one grows strong and healthy."
She responds.."it's crazy that you mentioned you were from Redding because my husband and I were LITERALLY JUST talking about making a trip up there to this awesome church."
BAM! I immediately realized why I was sitting in the l&d bed with a baby who's heart rate was normal..... For this divine meeting. What are the odds? Right!? It was definitely a divine meeting and I can't wait to build a friendship with my new cf mama friend!!
We have since ran into each other at the hospital and have continued to stay conected through this crazy season.  Its awlays so ecouraging when the Lord brings people into your life.
This momma, baby, and family are currently in the Nicu with other non cf related health concerns. Please be praying for this family. The Nicu is a tough place to spend your days.